I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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