So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
