Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize