Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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