I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
