I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
