The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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