if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
