my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
