i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
