hell yes lets make some ravioli
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
