She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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