new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just pee around me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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