our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
