I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
