After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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