Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
