i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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