I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
