I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
