so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
