I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
