2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
as a side note pls kill me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
