Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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