I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
