I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
