Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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