So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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