So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Text me some of your sweat
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