Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
