My sheets look like a crime scene.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
