Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize