You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
