His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
