I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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