I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
