dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
