I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
