I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So vagazzling was a success
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
