I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
