do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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