she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His nipple licking is glorious
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