just tell him i said nine months
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
