Plan B is the new Plan A
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
