I puked a lego.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and she was petting her beer can
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
