I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
FUCK WHALES
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
