Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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