I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
