i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
