So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
