why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
