you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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