Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
