Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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