Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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