I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
