that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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