Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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