I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
