I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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