Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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