Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
